You’re Worthy of More than Crumbs

What kind of decisions do you make when you’re hungry? Some of us can be impulsive and go on a self-sabotaging spree or we might catch ourselves angrily lashing out at people we love (see also, hangry). Sometimes we even find ourselves settling for whatever scraps of food we can find even though we know it won’t satisfy our hunger enough to sustain us.

As humans we have legitimate needs like food, shelter, water, and safety. Relationships are no different. They require constant attention from both sides so it can not just survive - but also allow both partners to thrive independently. Maintaining healthy relationships requires us to address needs such as; validation, interdependence, sense of security, boundaries, physical affection, and respect.

Unfortunately, just like physical hunger, when we’re hungry for these needs we risk settling for less than we deserve. It’s so common to allow ourselves to starve in emotionally abusive or neglectful relationships by accepting well below the bare minimum that we need from our partners. Until there is finally a moment of validation or connection, we crave it in the most painful way. We experience reprieve from the hunger after this even just momentarily which brings back so much hope and joy. Then, just as quickly as the relief was felt, the hunger pain returns when our partners no longer provide sustenance that meets our needs.

This is why we confuse breadcrumbs for feasts.

This is why we confuse minimum entry fees for hitting the jackpot.

This is why we stay in cycles that cause us pain.

When we're in the tension building phase we might long for the incident to finally happen just so we can get to the reconciliation and peace phase. Because in these phases of the cycle we finally feel that we’re getting what we’ve been deprived of for so long - love and connection. But soon after we’re starving again, because what we’ve settled for is actually crumbs compared to authentic meals filled with what we need.

And you deserve more. You deserve the feast you’re craving, the actual jackpot you’ve confused for the bare minimum. You deserve a relationship that brings you peace and offers safety every day, not just following a period of famine. You deserve support.

If you find yourself in a relationship that is unsafe, there is help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7.

These post are not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you are in the state of Florida and in need of therapy services you can contact me for scheduling at the link below. Outside of the state of Florida, Psychology Today is a resource that can be used to locate a therapist in your state.