Three Signs that You’re Healing
We have 168 hours each week.
For those of us who see our therapist once weekly we get those other 167 hours to support ourselves and care for our mental health. So when clients tell me they’re happy they’ve sought therapy, that they’ve noticed themselves changing, and even “I was so proud of myself this week” I try to pause in those moments and remind them to practice gratitude toward themselves. Because they not only showed up to their appointments, they showed up for themselves on days in between and followed through on their commitment to healing.
See, therapists are humans who made the decision to get extra education that allows us to help clients meet the healing versions of themselves. We’re equipped with training, tools, and generally . . . coffee to help guide you toward learning that you deserve to be treated better, and then help you sort through whatever is getting in the way of making the choices to do so. But we’re not the ones making those changes in your life the rest of the week.
So when you notice yourself making healthier choices by using what you’ve learned about yourself in that hour each week . . . that’s you taking responsibility for your healing. Those moments are you taking back power in writing your story instead of settling for a supporting role in your own life. If you’ve been in therapy and thinking to yourself, “This isn’t working” it could be that you haven’t paused to consider changes you’ve been making. Sometimes those changes are hard to notice too, so let’s take some time to look through signs that you’ve been healing and maybe haven’t noticed it yet.
You’re swift to leave situations that disturb your peace
Yes, that was a Taylor reference.
No, I don’t regret it.
When we’re still operating from the wounded mindset we might stay in situations that we know are unhealthy for us as a form of self-sabotage. Or because we haven’t accepted that we deserve better so we don’t work to protect the inner peace we’ve found.
Our healing selves acknowledge the work we’ve done to preserve serenity and progress and are more likely to recognize patterns that need to be broken. Healing also means being willing to accept there are some people’s cycles we can’t break and know when it’s time to walk away. This could look like leaving jobs with colleagues who have a history of harassing you, or friend groups where you’ve felt forced to make yourself smaller to feel like you belonged. It could mean changing how much access we allow to friends and family that have a history of mistreating us.
Healing often means leaving boxes we’ve outgrown
because we refuse to shrink ourselves in order to fit there anymore.
2. You pay attention to when you need a break . . . and you take it
It can seem easy to fall into the trap of hustle culture and push ourselves until we crash with the hope of finally achieving acceptance and belonging. When that façade is shattered during the healing process we begin to realize the harm associated with this mindset, then begin to check in with ourselves more often. Sometimes we don’t even realize it’s happening though until someone like our therapist points it out. When someone tells me they’ve started taking their full lunch break at work, turned down offers for side projects so they can have more time to themselves, or even just have started noticing their work load and expectations don’t align then I know I’m observing the process of disenchantment associated with striving for achievement rather than fulfillment.
3. You don’t respond or you allow ‘no’ to serve as a complete sentence
Your family members continue crossing boundaries.
Or friends choose to criticize consistently instead of understand.
Or harmful ex-partners reach out despite your requests for space & silence.
Our wounded selves might be quick to react or lash out to defend ourselves and sure, sometimes these circumstances require follow up and response. But, if the healing self recognizes how much pain could come from responding and from hoping for someone to have changed when their actions and patterns show they haven’t . . . we’re less likely to give a response to someone who continues to cause us pain and disturb our peace. The wounded self might type long messages or over-explain their boundaries repeatedly to those who refuse to listen. The healing self accepts that for some messages the best response is to let silence speak for itself when dealing with those who continue to show they don’t have good intentions with their words and actions toward us.
This is also why those on an authentic path to healing don’t go out of their way to communicate hurtful & harmful messages. The wounded self wrongly assumes that others should be forced to hear and agree with us. The healing self recognizes that we are all accountable for how much of our suffering we choose to consent to and becomes comfortable with allowing space for all wounds to heal instead of consistently reopening them.
If you feel “stuck” in your progress or doubt your growth it could help to take some time to reflect on how you’ve spent those other 167 hours of your week. Have you noticed yourself making small adjustments to how you interact with people in your life or those you’re trying to keep out of it? Or have you noticed more comfort with the word “no” lately?
Give yourself some credit, my dudes. We’re all probably doing better than we think.
These posts are not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you are in the state of Florida and in need of therapy services you can contact me for scheduling at the link below. Outside of the state of Florida, Psychology Today is a resource that can be used to locate a therapist in your state.
