Pity vs. Kindness
If you look at the relationships in your life right now - romantic, career, or friendship - how many would you say you’ve stayed in out of pity and obligation instead of absolute kindness?
Maybe you’ve stayed at your job longer than you know is best for you because you’re afraid you’d feel guilty for leaving extra work once you’re gone. Or maybe you’ve remained in a relationship because you feel obligated to remain with that person out of pity or regret. But these choices aren’t kind. They’re rooted in a selfish desire to feel comfortable which is not a sustainable way to live. Eventually resentments build and turn toxic which causes decisions that result in more pain for the people around us.
Pity is rooted in fear and results in staying stuck. Sometimes it provides external validation that we’re loyal when actually we’re destroying our chances of authentic connection as we betray ourselves. Pity is obligation, duty, and guilt to those we think we’ve wronged but often results in distress for them while we ignore what we need.
Kindness answers with boundaries and respect. It looks to lift the other person up even if it means leaving our comfort zone. Sure, temporarily those around us struggle to adjust to a new workload or leave a relationship that doesn’t serve them. But long-term they’re given a chance to find someone to fill that role who can give what’s necessary and reciprocate. Your team can work with someone who has the energy needed for their job. Your partner can see what it’s like to experience kindness and love without looking through the lens of a bitterness that’s constantly growing.
Sometimes kindness isn’t easy or gentle. It’s chaos with the purpose of allowing for change for yourself and those you care about. It’s uncomfortable but that’s where growth happens.
So the next time you’re struggling to make a decision be mindful of whether your intention is kindness or pity. Then consider the impact that could result if you choose the route of pity and obligation. In the end - I urge you to be kind.
Reminder: These posts are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for individualized mental health counseling.
